Member-only story
I’m useless. I’m worthless.
Among other thoughts as a young man
Frantically I would track that player back, and slide in at the last moment to block the shot. From the resulting corner, I would head the ball away, get to it before the opposition and put it through for a teammate to score.
Half an hour later I was out there with another team. This time dressed in camouflage and with a gun in hand. Hunting down the enemy and trying to eliminate them.
Then I’d realise the time and head off to bed, I had school the next day of course. Sometimes it even took my dad to knock on the door, he’d seen the light under the crack of the door or perhaps heard me.
Gaming in my teens
That was my mid teens, where each day I would look forward to finishing school and schoolwork, and settle down in front of the computer where I could chat with my online world, play a few games, have a laugh, zone out and feed my unknown and unintended love of dopamine.
But the problem was when that stopped, and when I finally logged off. A certain brain fog sometimes ensued, especially after longer sessions. Some of those longer sessions led to poor sleep or a lack of sleep.
That tiredness and brain fog sometimes went further into this feeling of hatred towards myself.
